Monday, June 23, 2008

To Experience Life as a Submariner...

(posted by danelle)

I found this entertaining.
Little ways to experience a taste of submarine life...
Some are especially the lube oil in your humidifier! I cannot believe how greasy and oil-smelling things are - everything - on the sub - including the men who come off board.

Spend all your time indoors during the daytime, stay out of any sunlight. Go to work only before sunrise and come home after sunset.

Paint everything around you Sea Foam Green (Navy NSN Green, no substitutions) or Off-White to be sure you are living in a clean, happy environment. Every time you finish a work shift, arm yourself with a bucket, sponge and a greeny. Clean one area over and over, for 2 hours, even if it is already spotless.

Eat food that you can only get out of a can and requires water in order to eat. Empty out your refrigerator and turn the temp down to freezer mode. Get rid of all fresh fruits and vegetables.

Repeat back everything spoken to you. Repeat back everything spoken to you.

Sit in your car for six hours at a time with the motor running. Keep hands on the wheel. Continuously watch the dashboard. But don't leave your driveway. Log readings of your oil pressure, water temperature, speedometer and odometer every 15 minutes.

Put Lube Oil in your humidifier instead of water. Set it on high.

Buy a trash compactor; use it only once a week. Store the rest of the garbage in your bathroom.

Don't watch movies except in the middle of the night. Have your family vote on which movie to watch, then show a different one.

Have the paperboy give you a standard Navy haircut - after your work shift is done, when he feels like it.

Take hourly readings on your water and your electric meters. But only for a six hour period.

Sleep on the couch with your dirty laundry beside you.

Mechanics - set your lawn mower in the middle of the living room while it is running, for six hours a day.

Invite guests over, but don't prepare enough food for everyone. Serve food cold. Limit the time they sit at the table to 10 minutes.

Wake up at midnight every night and make a peanut butter sandwich, use stale bread. Better yet, make your own bread but cut 3 inch thick slices and use these. Optional: warm up some canned Ravioli or soup.

Make your family a menu for the week without knowing what food is in the cabinets.

Set your alarm clock for various times at night; adjust the volume to the maximum. When it goes off, jump out of bed, get your clothes on as fast as you can, run outside and grab the garden hose. Then go back to bed and do it all over when the alarm goes off again.

Once a month take apart every appliance completely and then put them back together.

Use 18 scoops of coffee per pot and allow it to sit for 6 hours before drinking it.

Invite over 149 people you really don't like that much and have them stay inside your house for 6 months.

Store your eggs in the garbage for two months and then cook a dozen each morning.

Have a fluorescent lamp installed under your coffee table and lie underneath it to read books.

Take only weekly showers for 5 minutes max.

Wear the same outfit (new boxers are allowed) every day for 3 weeks.

Put a complicated lock on your basement door and wear the key around your neck on a special chain.

When making cakes, prop up one side of the pan when cooking. Use extra icing to level it off.

Every so often, yell "EMERGENCY DEEP!" run into the kitchen and sweep all pots, pans and dishes off of the counters onto the floor, and then yell at your wife for not having the kitchen area "Stowed for Sea!"

Put on the stereo headphones (don't plug them in), go to the stove and stand in front of it. Say (to no one in particular) "Stove manned and ready" stay there for 3 to 4 hours. Say (once again and to no one in particular) "Stove secured", then role up your headphone cord and put them away.

Pull out your refrigerator and clean behind it for 4 hours and then put it back when you are done. Have your wife come and check every 10 minutes with a flashlight to see how you are doing.

When doing your laundry fill it only 1/3 full, sit in front of your washing machine in your underwear and read a book or magazine you've read at least 5 times before in the last week. When the wash is done, only run the dryer for half the normal time.

Fix-up a shelf in your closet that will serve as your bunk for the next six months. Take the door off of the hinges and replace them with curtains. While asleep, have family members shine a flashlight in your eyes at random intervals and say either "Sign this!" or "Sorry, wrong rack!"

If you can do these, you can do just about anything!!


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